Whats changed in the last few moths?
A lot , actually.
firstly , i dont live in the fairyland- dream factory world of lies and expectations. I know the realitu , I know my potential and I know myself a little better now. Secondly my own understanding of the way my mind works. I know what I do wrong and what I do right , I know my hopes and dreams -and i know my fears, well almost.
I have learnt that what lies ahead of me . is indeed just an exam that will affect absolutely nobody else but me – and somewhere – after having fucked up everything I could- I have defied expectations in the worst possible way . And it brings me so much peace to not have someone constantly looking over my shoulder and pushing me somewhere I don’t even want to be . I feel good having complete control of all my actions good and bad . I feel privileged to be a part of the only batch giving this exam after breaking off from the cycle of madness. I dont feel like a tiny hamster , running the wheel at somebody elses command – for once I have nobody to impress and it feels so good.
I feel free this time – free to make my future or go batshit crazy and ruin it – all on my terms , the way I want to.
And I think that’s why I’m not going to fuck up this time -Something good will come out of this -It is me who will make it be good.
thenextchapternow 