The fear of failure is something that I have always struggled with . Whether it be friendships or academics – I am not afraid to try , I am afraid of being told that I am not good enough to try . Over the years my bar for success has been very predefined – It was always set as something that I thought was impossible or unachievable . I was and have always craved for wanting something , but never asking for it .
The truth is I dont want to be afraid anymore . I dont want to be scared of not having the glorious places or the oh-so-pretty people . And even though I dont want to be scared , I still want those things . Life really sucks when you want something – but you find it hard to get . I have been working and preparing myself for this for so long , and with each passing day not much is actually done . I am afraid of losing it all , and i hate that it is the sole reason i might .
I want to be strong like i used to be – love myself like i did , but its hard to love someone when that was the one thing you didn’t want to . The possibility of a future scares me . the fact that I may not make it scares me as well . But the thing that has me petrified is that I dont know …. I am not aware of what is killing me . I need to do the right thing – to be the good kid – and i know that , I am just going to try to establish a system in my life before i lose it all.
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